The serious throwers-down at this year's DorkFest were seven in number. It has been no easy thing, sifting through the often quite spectacular submissions. In solution of which, I present the expanded slate of final dorky dignitaries:Most Improved Dork: Mm mud deserves respect and recognition for beginning the journey of embracing her dorkhood, and for typing the sentence: "3hrs ago: I discovered goats are dorks." I can't wait to read the novel of which that is the opening line.
Yankee in England is hereby appointed Dorky Envoy Plenipotentiary to the people of the British Isles, and also Patron Dork of Pregnant People.
Phineas does not really require a title because he has discovered geohashing, which is its own reward. Also, bringing geohashing to DorkFest is like cutting butter with a chain saw -- it's hardly a fair fight.
Special commendation to Elaine, who brought some powerful dorkiness to the table, only to have it immediately plagiarized by fingerstothebone. Unfortunately, it is almost axiomatic that a plagiarized entry to a dork contest is dorkier that the original entry. Which brings us to:
Fingerstothebone is hereby awarded the Michael5000 Dorkiness Lifetime Achievement Award, which she is invited to view as far superior to any measly one-year stint as Dork. The binary numbering was key here.
So, who is the Dork?
Morgan: Hitting first and hitting hard, Morgan presented an impressive dossier of material that was going to be hard to beat, even before I looked up "Dwarf Fortress." I hereby appoint him the L&TM5K Dork, with all of the (rather limited) rights and privileges thereof.
nichim: She had me at "Chinuk Wawa (Chinuk Jargon) Etymologies." The sentence "I'm concerned that I will not be able to effectively complete my DorkFest 2010 CV and portfolio, for my copy of Lichens of North America has arrived in the mail" was merely icing on the cake. I hereby appoint her the L&TM5K Vice-Dork, with all of the (even more limited) rights and privileges thereof.
So, Now What?
Feel that you were robbed? I've got one word for you. Just one word: "Seethe."
Congratulations to the contestants, and abuse for me, in the comments!
18 comments:
I'm doing the Lifetime Achievement Dance of the Dorks! You wish you could see this, I know.
Although, surely it would have been better had I won ALL of the titles?
Memo to Good Prince: Please film the Lifetime Achievement Dance of the Dorks.
congratulations to all the most honorable dorks in blogland!
(but why don't dorkfest entries have blogger labels? argh!)
gl.: I was wondering about that too...
I've determined that this honor should be mentioned on any college applications I'll be making.
I am seething. Morgan it too young and I argue he is not yet ready to handle to responsibility that comes with being DorkFest champion. Yes his entry was truely impressive but look at what happened to Anakin Skywalker would you M5K and we as your readers really want to be held responsible for a tragedy on that scale?
Again nothing personal Morgan it is just that I am almost twice your age.
and yest I just went and pulled out my Oxford unabridged dictionary to look up Plenipotentiary. I know I could have looked up online but was thinking it might help my seething mood.
I am second in dorkiness only to a teenage boy. Truly, you are clear-seeing and just.
Allo à tous,
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Today, even the spam is dorky!
I'm so proud -- it is every mother's fondest hope that her son will receive an honor like this. Along with the cross-country award ceremony tonight and the National Honor Society induction ceremony next week, we will be including a special ceremony for the Victor of Dorkfest 2010. I'm all choked up, here...
Congratulations to all the dork luminaries! I confess that when I first saw Morgan's entry, I felt he was pretty much unbeatable. I also confess I spent way too much time trying to figure out the difference between Nichim's original and corrected citations, only to give up in confusion. I'd love to see both them do guest posts as part of their reward/duty. Nichim could perhaps share some of what's she's learned about the Lichens of North America, and Morgan could write about...well, about anything he's interested in, it seems. Fingers, on the other hand, could shoulder some vague, unceasing, and therefore superior duty/privilege.
I'm not seething at all. I'm feeling quite smug. Smug in that no one knows in how many of the totality of listed dorky pursuits I hold verifiable international credentials. And smug that no one is going to find out.
Except: nichim, Tillicum, come on over sometime and we'll muck up a skookum feast. I'll sing you a song you'll like. Not the singing, just the song.
Well, here's the thing. I am back, accompanied by the DH (Dear --or other D, depending--Hubby) from our star-crossed trip. This was one of those 'Don't ask; don't tell' events. Suffice it to say, it will take me a few days to find the humor in this one and paste it onto the blog. The only reason I was back--alive-- was in order to bow gracefully while accepting my crown as Dorkess of Yorkess.
Instead.....
Someone actually gets Extra Credit??!! (she said, incredulously) for Plagiarizing My Stuff????? That's not Dorky, that's Dirty! Learn The Difference!!! (seethe, seethe)
Just so you know, I had to Drag Myself up here to get the Bad News. I'm sitting here trying NOT to think things like, "I hope all of these people go to Lake Fausse Pointe State Park in remotest, darkest, most-out-of-touchest SW Louisiana and then have a Kidney Stone attack at 12:38 a.m. during a serious storm....." No, seriously, I don't think that would be a nice thing to have happen, especially if you finally get back to civilization and then find out that someone gave the Dork-Crown to some kid who doesn't even know where his kidneys ARE.
I would say more, but I need to go lie down.
Morgan, I will need a lock of your hair for a Very Special Item I am working on, if you please.
Oh, and I won't soon forget this.
Oooh, that's some of the best seething we've ever had! Well done indeed!
You might get some people coming by searching for "other" kinds of Dorkfests.
I'm seething in that there was no farewell or official passing of the torch from me to the Vice Dork. I am hereby protesting all future Flag Fridays, Boring Postcards and Elements of the Months posts. So there.
But Jenners -- that only hurts YOU!!!
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