Weekend Edition

The L&TM5K News In Brief

No Doubt You Are Already Working on the New Oregon Flag

What, you're not? Well, there's time. Remember, all the rules are here.


Michael5000 Employment Update

Some of you know that I interviewed for a promotion at work on Tuesday, and had kind of expected to hear back about it by Friday. That I didn't is not necessarily a good sign. If I did get the nod, I would have the privilege of grappling with interesting new professional challenges and opportunities. However, my blogging life would likely suffer in the long run. Life is full of trade-offs, so we'll just have to wait and see how this goes down.


This Does Not Constitute a Review-for-Airplay Scandal

The current episode of the Fillup Munkee Show (reviewed in "Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except for Boo and Her Monkey," Jan. 11) features music by me! Michael5000! I'm so excited! (Insiders should be imagining this paragraph being spoken in a Fillup Munkee voice, by the way.)

This is my first, um, soundtrack appearance, and it's very fun and a great honor to be a part the Fillup Munkee experience. I'm glad my silly little song ("She Seems to Think") got a chance to come out and play.


And Now, This Message from the People of Estonia

Regarding Estonia's award for "Best Flag (Tricolor)," ("Flag Criticism: michael5000's Turn," Jan. 14), the Estonian Consul in Seattle had this to say to the L&TM5K:

Thank you for sharing your appreciation of our beloved flag and bestowing this designation of award upon it.

We have been very proud of our flag since the time 90 years ago next month that it first flew officially over our Republic. We appreciate knowing that others too share in its fondness.

Pure class, I thought. The L&TM5K is not exactly your major media outlet, after all. You have to appreciate a country that is willing to talk to its fans.


Two Vignettes

I. Work Vignette #2

(Note: This vignette has been slightly modified from Reality to more accurately depict Truth.)

I'm at work, conducting the initial evaluation of three newly arrived refugees. They are guys from a country which shall remain nameless, a popular tourist destination that has a reputation as a place where the men are not adverse to, shall we say, an amorous adventure.

The first two tell me that they can speak a little English, so I ask the interpreter not to say anything for a moment, and ask a routine series of questions:

M5K: What is your name?
Refugee: My name is {name}.

M5K: Where are you from?
Refugee: I am from {country}.

M5K: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Refugee: Yes, I have two brothers and one sister.

M5K: How old are they?
Refugee: 25, 28, and 32.

M5K: What city in {country} are you from?
Refugee: What? Oh, I am from the city {city}.

M5K: How many people live in that city?
Refugee: I... don't understand.

So, this is pretty good. These guys have some handy survival English skills, for refugees only three days in country.

So now we get to the third guy. He is a handsome guy with an outgoing personality, full of charm and confidence and energy. Like the others, he tells me that he can speak some English, so again I ask the interpreter to hold off:

M5K: What is your name?
Refugee: My name {name}.

M5K: Where are you from?
Refugee: (blank stare)

M5K: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Refugee: (blank stare)

At this point, I have the interpreter join in again, and say "you know, it really doesn't seem like you can speak any English." But, he is insistent. "I do!" he says with absolute confidence, in his own language. "I really do know some English!"

"OK," I say, through the interpreter. "Just say something in English, then."

A tiny trace of something that might be embarrassment, or might not, flickers across his face as he pauses for maybe half a second. Then, very earnestly, he gives us his best line of English:

"Baby! Please, don't go!"

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II: "Vignette of the Day 1/12/08--Tanning" by occasional L&TM5K commenter Allie.
[This is, as far as I can recall, the first guest content to have been featured on L&TM5K. Allie originally published this great vignette on her FaceBook page, but since I couldn't link to it without her having to change her privacy settings, she has graciously allowed me to republish it here.]

My mother, for those of you who don't know, is a teacher of Math. Because teachers are paid so very well, my mother makes up the difference by tutoring various youngsters from the community. This morning, a young woman was sitting at our kitchen table, painstakingly going over her Geometry work. I don't know her well, but she seems nice enough, but in a very bubbly, cheerleader "like-oh-my-God-where-is-my-brain" sort of way. In a pause in all that shape-analyzing action, my mother engages her in some small talk:

"So," my mother asks, "do you have your dress for the prom?"

"Oh yes," the girl replies, "that's all set, it's so like, totally gorgeous, but oh my God, I so have to go tanning. Michelle, like, look at my face, just look at it!"

There is a pause, where I guess my mother has simply shrugged her shoulders. "I've never been tanning," she replies.

"I know it's totally bad for you, and I mean, I probably already have skin cancer 'cause I like never wear SPF or anything, but I don't care."

My mother, with what I will guess is a bewildered look on her face says, "but honey, why do you do that?" At this point I can see the girl's face, wearing a look of utter disbelief. She might have just asked her why she bothers breathing on a daily basis.

"The question is why don't you do it?"

"I don't want skin cancer!"

"But you'll be tan"

"But I would have skin cancer!"

"But you'd be tan!"


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Happy Weekend, Y'all!