Biblical Events in Art
1. Who is this?
2. What is this?
3. Who's the guy on the throne, and what did he just say?
4. What's happening here?
5. Who is the guy in red, and what's he up to?
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25 comments:
Ugh. Don't know 3 at all.
Looks like the others are
1. Moses
2. Babel
3. grrrr
4. Noah et al
5. Jesus and the miraculous loaves
OK, my guess on 3 is Pharoah saying kill all the kids who might be Moses. Second guess = Herod saying kill all the kids who might be Jesus.
rp
oh god. i'm no good with jesus. ok. here goes:
1. that looks like something moses was supposed to have done.
2. the tower of babel
3. king herod? ordering the death of jesus?
4. i want to say it's noah, but i don't remember him getting eaten by a fish, so jonah and the whale
5. jesus. doin' that thing he do' feeding the poor by magically causing a loaf of bread and a fish to multiply.
you should not subject agnostics to such things so early in the morning. it gives us headaches.
moses. babel. solomon and he said i'll fuck your kid up and cut him in half and stuff! (ok, i know that's wrong, but i can't figure it out) jonah is being eaten by a whale. jesus is feeding a lot of people with loaves and fishes. this is hard. in spite of living in the bible belt, i know nothing of the bible.
1. moses with those commandment things
2. tower of babel
3. pharaoh of egypt ordering the death of every hebrew son
4. jonah being eating by a whale (with scales)
5. jesus christ making mcfish sandwiches
The art isn't familiar, but I was raised Southern Baptist.
1. Moses, 10 commandments
2. tower of babel
3. King Solomon I believe, recommending that a child be cut in half
4.Jonah, being swallowed by a big fish, after being thrown overboard to calm the troubled sea
5. Jesus, performing the miracle of feeding the multitudes with a meager supppy of loaves and fishes
1. Moses
2. Tower of Babel
3. Solomon. He said, "Cut the baby in half and then you can share." I paraphrase. And I'm not certain I've the right event.
4. Jonah is being swallowed by the fish.
5. Jesus? Multiplying to feed 5000?
P.S. The Jesus on smack that I posted on FB would have fit into this nicely, don't you think? :-P
Uh, I meant JONAH, not NOAH.
JONAH!!!!!
I should have looked at more than just the fact that it had a boat and water... boo hoo.
JONAH!!!!!!!!
rp
1 That would be Moses decending Mt. Sinai with the 10 commandments
2 That's the tower of babel, where the inventor of Babelfish lives. ;)
3 Solomon has just told the two women who are debating the maternity of the child to cut said child in half. The real mother is the one saying "NOOOOO"
4 Johna is being swallowed by a big fish.
5. That would be Jesus multiplying the loaves & fishes to feed the 5,000
1. Moses (no, not Gwyneth's baby boy)
2. Tower of Babel
3. King Soloman, giving the baby to the woman that lost the tug-o-war
4. Jonah being eaten by the whale (with scales?)
5. someone in a red robe doing a fan dance
1. Moses
2. Tower of Babel
3. Herod, and I'm afraid he's saying "Massacre them innocents."
4. Jonah is being swallowed by a biggish fish. In the Disney version it's a commodious, large-gulleted whale, and he gets to hang out with Pinocchio. In the Decemberists' version, he's a mariner out for revenge, and the audience gets to scream a lot. . .
5. Why, it's Jesus distributing loaves and fishes. It's the Byzantine, so he's still growing out his beard.
Oh no, did I get my bible story wrong? I thought it was a tug-o-war and the real mom lost...nothing about cutting the baby in half! It must've been the Chinese version I was reading...
1.Moses
2.The Tower of Babel
3.King Solomon- cut 'em in half!
4.Jonah being thrown overboard and eaten by the fish so God would stop the storm
5.Jesus dividing the fish and loaves
1. Moses
2. Tower of Babel
3. Man in red cloak. He said, "Woman in orange dress, YOU ARE GUILTY."
4. People in a boat have just fed one of their crewmembers to a giant fish.
5. Jesus is giving coconuts and fish to his disciples.
Being very very late and thus out of the running for any exclamation points, I submit the following answers:
1. Yo mama. Zing!
2. Awfully overcrowded ancient seaside vacation spot. Very poor room service.
3. "Put your right hand in, put your right hand out... No, no--RIGHT hand! Ha, you fuck it up! You lose the Hokey Pokey of Death! Now I kill your child."
4. Devil-eyed fishy gives man big headache while men on boat use mast to dry enormous underpants.
5. The excellent fashion choices indicate that the man in red is an early Christian version of Clinton Kelly (of What Not to Wear) who is in the middle of explaining why he likes colors that "pop"--especially when combined with such snazzy (perhaps metallic?) sandals.
Yeah, so what do I win?
1. Moses with at least one of his bitchin' tablets.
2. The tower of babel
3. King Solomon, splitting hairs... I mean a child. I mean ordering that it be so.
4. Jonah being eaten by the whale
5. Jesus and the miracle of the loaves and fishes, serving many from very little food.
Let's see, I *think* I got this (yeah, Sunday school!):
1. That's Moses and his commandments.
2. Tower o' Babel (spelling there?)
3. The guy I think is King Soloman, and he just ordered the baby to be cut in half to solve the dispute between the two women. One woman gets pretty upset, so he figures she's the momma.
4. Jonah gettin' eaten by the whale
5. That's Jesus multiplying bread and fish to feed all them people that came to hear him speak (I mean, "all them people" are not in this picture, but I guess they are implied. They're hiding...)
How'd I do?!
ok. wait a minute. someone in the bible ordered a baby cut in half? man. there's some messed up shit in that book.
I was all set to write funny captions for all those, but it'd be a lot of work, and I don't want to offend anyone.
To be honest with you, all I knew was moses. The only times I have been to church in my whole life are weddings, funerals, and when some crazy mom would make me go when I was sleeping over at a friend's place. Then when I'm old I'll play bingo in a church, and then when I'm dead maybe I'll be in one again.
Hellloooooo, Biblical Scholars!! Here's what we've got:
1. Moses. Kind of a gimme. Thanks to Rembrandt for helping out with the visuals.
2. The Tower of Babel. By my very favorite dead European painter, Brueghel.
3. Ah, now here's the trickiest one. There are several points in the Bible where men on thrones make decisions to the detriment of children. But in the cases of Herod and Pharoah, the children aren't actually present in the court when the decision comes down. Here, you have two women in supplication, and the kiddo right at hand, and therefore we are looking at KING SOLOMON, and he has indeed proposed to cut the child in half. (Apparently, the whole thing is a political metaphor about the fracture of the Israelite state, but if you know that it takes some of the punch out of the story.) Painter is, uh, Poussin.
4. I had many really cool medieval illuminations of the Jonah story to choose from. NONE of them depict a whale; their great fishes are all more of the shark/marlin variety.
5. A Byzantine fresco depicting Jesus and the miracle of loaves and fishes.
So, exclamation points going out heavily to the Pennsylvania and Alabama contingents this week: Jessica, Allie, Missy, Mark, and Lisa, plus O-staters Blythe and Rebel. Dang, that's a lot of winners.
@Rex: Noah, Jonah... all the best stories have a boat on the cover.
@d: Sorry if I hit you with too much religion too soon in the day. I myself don't like to peruse Biblical art before I've got a few drinks in me.
@Blythe: Exactly right. Exactly right.
@Mr. Shain: I love the bit about McFish sandwiches. Because, OK, the religious figure performs the miracle, and of course you are going to be very impressed and probably worshipful. But then you've got some fish and some bread, and what are you going to do? Make a samich! Of course!
@fingers: Well, it's actually a bread-and-fish dance. As far as Solomon, well, tug of war, splitting in half.... eh, it's six of one, half dozen of the other.
@Mrs.5000: [in joke]...unless there's someone from Willamette Week there to spoil all the fun.[/in joke]
@MyDog: Points for making me laugh. Would you accept a MQI semicolon with Rex Parker's name scratched off it? I love the miracle of the coconuts and fishes; it's very Caribbean. Irae, mon!
@g: Points for surreality. Remember, though, the MQ is not time-dependent, unlike the TQ, which IS time-dependent. Yes, nothing to make a pop quiz catch on with a wide audience like having abstruse and inconsitent rules! With marketing smarts like mine, I should be in social work.
@allie: ya done good!
@d: The Bible is chockablock with what you can fairly call "messed-up shit," my friend. Very interesting read, though. See my other blog, especially if it is late and you are having trouble getting to sleep.
@Dr. Ken: I can tell you are already looking forward to the Bingo.
Yes! Yes! I'll accept it!
Woo hoo! My first virtual exclamation point!
Is that the kind of thing one might add to their CV? ;-)
TODAY'S not Monday? Ahhh,crap.
I missed the whole thing and I knew all the answers.
Blast! I knew that day off would bite in the butt somehow.
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